I’ve long said that there is no one in Hollywood as artistically bankrupt as Michael Bay. Churning out inconsequential sequel after inconsiquential sequel adding about as much to Hollywood as a fart does to a funeral.
The Transformers films are the worst. I go to the cinema quite often, so as a result just recently I’ve been ‘treated’ multiple times to the trailer for the next execrable explosion and stereotype extravaganza, and it seems to my immense surprise that absolutely zero has changed over five films.
How many magical macguffins can one universe possibly have? I say this because it seems in every Transformers film there’s an artifact that a certain Transformer wants that’s been here for ‘thousands of years’ and lo and behold there’s one in this too, according to the trailer, as well as a stereotypical black character who spends the trailer saying stereotypically black things, oh and also, Optimus Prime is evil now, which is something every bad screenwriter does when they’re out of ideas.
There’s now talk of a Transformers shared universe too, well it makes sense, everyone else is having one, and I’ll be damned if we don’t give Michael Bay another billion dollars to go on his money pile at his mansion made of gold.
It really annoys me that cinema goers will throw millions, if not billions, of dollars at the latest unimaginative sequel yet new properties with promise and imagination are left to scrape the bottom of the box office with nothing to show for it except a few good reviews. For example, Suicide Squad despite being the cinematic equivalent of herpes made $745.6 million dollars against a $175 million budget. Both of the last two wretched Transformers movie made over a billion dollars. Conversely, Moonlight, this past years Best Picture Oscar winner mind you, only managed to make $65 million, there’s something very wrong there.
I’m not completely against sequels, despite what the previous five paragraphs tell you, I just think a sequel should have a reason to exist other than needing another money pit to swim in. I like some sort of story progression. Take the Marvel Cinematic Universe, true not all films are sequels to each other but it’s been building a story arc for ten years, and doing so very well, granted there are some duds in there, Iron Man 2 and both Thor movies spring to mind, but as a general rule, it’s done a great job in building stakes up to a huge conclusion, it has a reason to be a shared universe, after all there’s more Marvel super heroes than you can shake a stick at, nt all of whom deserve a movie, I’m not holding out fora Squirrel Girl movie anytime soon, but it has the material.
I’d like to end on another example of Hollywood circling the drain. I was recently dragged to the cinema by my better half to see The Boss Baby, an experience I found only slightly better than having nails jammed in my eyes (my other half liked it, because she has the taste of a seven-year old) yet imagine my dismay when I saw on Twitter Dreamworks announcing a sequel. While I will be avoiding it like the plague so it won’t affect me, why does it need to exist? The ‘story’ for lack of a better term, left no jumping off point for a sequel, and while it’s popular with kids, so is eating dirt and I can’t see that getting a shared universe anytime soon.